We're All Okay, We're Doing Fine
by PostitPromise
Summary: Dean is struggling just to stay afloat, but no one around him has any idea. When someone new joins his group of friends, Dean can't decide whether to keep him close or push him away. If he lets him in, Castiel could be the one to lead him out of the dark- but if he pushes him away, he can also be the one to tear him apart. Rated T for now, will later be rated M
1. And So It Begins

*Note: This story will contain mild self-harm, and is considered a trigger warning*

Dean checked the cupboards- all bare except for a few stray cans of vegetables, abandoned by the previous owners of the house. The house he shared with his brother was shabby at best, but he did his best to fix it up and keep it clean. The Winchesters had moved back to Lawrence a few months before, and Sam and Dean haven't seen their father since. Dean plays the role of caretaker for Sam, goes to school full time, works full time to put food on the table, and spends his spare time fixing up the house the best he can. Every once in a while John sends them money to get by, but mostly they rely solely on Dean's paycheck from the auto shop. Dean sits down with a bowl of ramen, the third night in a row he's eaten the sodium-packed noodles for dinner. He thinks about tomorrow, the beginning of a new semester at school; a fresh start, a chance to get better grades, a chance to get more classes with his friends. Dean has friends, yeah, but he's not exactly the type to go to parties and invite friends over, he just doesn't have the time. Sam is always sleeping over at friends houses and hanging out, going to football games, but that's exactly what Dean wants for him- the chance to be a kid.

Monday morning, Dean drives Sam to school and uses the last of their money to get him Mcdonald's breakfast on the way there. He'll have to find food or money for dinner later, somehow. Dean never sees Sam during the day since he's a freshman, but it gives him a little time to himself, in a sense. He makes his way to his first hour English class, where one of his best friends, Jo, is talking to a guy he doesn't know. He looks vaguely familiar, but he can't place his name. Dean sits down next to Jo, his eyes darting to the guy in front of her. "Hey."

Jo turns to him in surprise, "Hey Dean." She smiles at him, then gestures to the guy she was talking to "This is Castiel." Castiel turns around to look at Dean, giving him a shy smile "I've heard a lot about you Dean. Call me Cas." Dean smiles back at him and nods. The teacher announces the start of the class, and everyone is forced to be quiet.

That day at lunch, Castiel is invited to sit with Dean and his friends. He seems like a good fit for their group, and Dean thinks that he could accept the new guy into their little clan. He only speaks with him a few times, but he feels like maybe if he branched out a little more, they could become good friends. Dean has one other class with him, but they don't sit near each other, so it's a bust. At the end of the day, Jo invites him to hang out with her, Castiel, Benny, Charlie, Ash and Chuck. Dean has to reluctantly decline because as per usual, he has to work.

Dean takes Sam home and makes him some sort of casserole out of the canned veggies left in the house. Sam lies and says it's not that bad, but Dean knows that he will eventually have to feed the poor kid something decent. Hopefully he earns extra money on his shift today. Dean works from five until nine during the week, because that's all he's physically able to do. It's not hard work and he enjoys it, but it's still less time that can be spent doing things normal for a kid his age. He's only seventeen, but most days Dean feels like a forty year old man.

Dean stumbles in at 10 o'clock after his shift ran a little later than expected. Sam is in the living room, playing video games in the dark. He gives his brother a small greeting before turning his attention back to the zombies he is trying to kill onscreen. Dean heads right for the shower. He turns on the light, locks the door, and takes a good, long, hard look at himself in the mirror. He looks…not old, but aged. His face is more angular, his eyes are rimmed with purple bags, and he's covered in grease smudges. He turns the shower on to the hottest setting, and strips down. He climbs in and closes his eyes, trying not to notice the multiple scratches on his body. They line his hips and lower abdomen, pink lines where the skin was shredded away by his nails. They were deliberate, a way to let out everything he feels inside. He knows that it's not right, he knows normal people don't do that, but it makes sense to him. And besides, they're just scratches.

He stays in the hot spray for a long time before he feels clean and relaxed. Dean gets out and changes quickly into old pajamas, before he forces Sam to bed and settles down with his homework. He's up until past midnight, doing his English paper and his pre- calc assignment. As he fills in the answers on his math worksheet, he can't help but replay the day in his mind. He thinks about his new friend, Castiel, and he realizes that maybe today wasn't so bad after all.

By the end of the week, Dean is itching to go out with his friends. They've all hung out without him almost every day this week, and he's eager to join in on the fun. He switches his shift on Saturday to an earlier one, and is able to get the night off in exchange.

"Lock the door, don't answer the phone unless it's me, and don't answer the door because it won't be me- I have a key." Dean tells Sam the instructions as he combs his hair in the mirror. Sam rolls his eyes, "I know Dean, you've told me like five times." Dean ruffles his hair, grabbing his keys. "I don't want you to forget, Sammy." He walks out the door, and he can hear his little brother mumble "It's Sam."

Dean drives his beloved Impala to Jo's house, where everyone is meeting to decide what they're going to do. Not everyone has their own car, so they're going to need to carpool- six people between two cars. He walks right into the familiar house he spent half his childhood at- the Harvelle's. Jo's mother, Ellen, greets Dean right away with a hug. This is the first time he's been here since he moved back, and it feels like he's a small kid again. He can picture smaller versions of himself, Ash, and Jo, all sitting together on the living room floor, playing soldiers.

"It's like a time warp, huh ?" Jo asks him, breaking his reverie. He smiles back at her and takes a seat on the couch beside Benny. "You're actually here !" Charlie exclaims. Dean grins at her "I am."

Dean drives Charlie, Cas and Chuck in his car, while Jo takes Benny and Ash in her pickup truck. They decide that since it's reasonably warm out, they'll go to the pier downtown. It's a boardwalk looking out over a beach, and a pier that you can fish from. Dean steps out of the car when they arrive, walking beside Cas. Their hands accidently brush, and Dean feels a heat warm up his cheek. "Sorry," he murmurs, but he's not, not really. That first touch was what made Dean realize that maybe the reason Cas' attractive face is stuck in his mind isn't because they're 'new friends.'

* * *

Castiel can't bring himself to move away from Dean after their hands accidentally touch. He's thought Dean was cute from day one, but that doesn't guarantee that Dean is even gay, or that he will like Cas in return. So he tells himself it's just a crush and tries to forget about it.

He's glad Dean came with them tonight, because Cas is enjoying himself even more with him around. He's funny, and he's easygoing, and he's making an effort to include Cas. Castiel never really had many friends, because he was dubbed the 'weird kid' or the 'gay boy', and no one would give him a chance. But here and now, surrounded by a group of smiling faces laughing with him and not at him, Cas finally feels like he belongs.

**Author's Note- I just want to make it clear that with what Dean said, I was NOT insinuating that people who self-harm aren't normal. That being said, I'm going to continue with what I wanted to tell you guys. This is only my second Destiel story, and I never finished the first one because I just lost interest and got lost with the plot. I would love it if you guys would give me reviews so I know how well you like it. I know it skips around a little now and is a little cliche, but I have big plans for this story. Lots of angst and romance alike. :) The story and title were based off of Crown the Empire's song "Lead Me Out of the Dark" (by the way, the beginning of the next chapter will be more of Cas' point of view)**


	2. To Be, or Not to Be ?

"Thanks Dean." Cas calls as he exits the Impala. He slowly walks to his front door and unlocks it, quietly slipping inside. He goes straight to the bathroom to shower, careful not to wake his brother and sister. After he's clean and dressed in his pajamas, Cas can't help but appreciate how nice it is to have friends. He lays in his bed, curled under the covers in the dark, and he feels…happy. It's almost a foreign sensation, but he's definitely elated with the path his life has been going down lately. He finally feels like he isn't the freak everyone said he was. Cas pushes down the thought that Dean is much of the reason for this- he treats him almost like he's special…like he's worth it.

"Dean is just a friend" Cas repeats over and over in his head until he falls asleep.

Over the next few weeks of school, Castiel has a hard time deciding what to do. He can't figure out whether it would be wise to just give in and become attached to everyone, or if he should keep his distance and pull away. He goes through a routine, a cycle of becoming close, then backing off. His brother and sister notice, but they don't mention it to him. Cas is pretty sure it's because they can see how much happier he is this semester, even though he's still struggling. But God, what a difference a few months makes. His blue eyes are brighter, he has color in his cheeks, he's smiling; its cliché, but the change is obvious. He's getting better, slowly.

Three weeks into the new semester, Dean got a girlfriend. She was a pretty, outgoing brunette named Pamela. Cas wasn't prepared for how much it hurt him to see them together, but he tried to pretend that it didn't even matter to him. He just wanted his friend to be happy, and it seemed that he was. And so Cas would keep his silly, stupid little crush to himself and settle with just being around Dean, because he didn't have another choice. He tried not to imagine what it would be like if things were different, if Dean were gay…..he couldn't help but wonder if he would like Cas then.

* * *

Dean could kick himself, he really could. Why did he ask Pamela out ? He likes her, and she likes him, but he can't stop himself from imagining doing all the same things with Cas. This is ridiculous, he only just met the kid.

And that's why he can't figure out why he cannot stop thinking about him.

Dean tries his best to make it work with Pamela, but with his schedule, it just doesn't. as it turns out, he ends up breaking up with her after only a few weeks, and he feels like a horrible person. His tired face in the mirror now looks guilt-ridden as well. Between work and all of his other responsibilities, and trying to keep up with his friends, he literally doesn't have time for anything else anymore. Cas comforts him after the Pamela ordeal, but after that, he seems to keep his distance for a few weeks. Dean tries not to be too upset about that, and instead picks up extra shifts at work. He makes a lot of money that week, so he buys a few extra things for Sam. He feels like maybe he isn't a terrible big brother, now that he can put food on the table.

His boss forces him to take the weekend off, and he's glad to have the time to rest. On Sunday afternoon though, he becomes restless. Against his better judgment, he texts Cas, wondering if he wants to hang out. He can't decide whether he wants him to answer or not, because it could just be fueling his feelings for him if they do. He almost jumps when his phone buzzes on the table beside him- it's a reply from Cas. "Sure, be right over." Dean rushes to the bathroom to check his appearance. He fixes his hair and puts on more cologne, ignoring Sam's amused look. "Is Pam coming over or something ?" Sam asks him, watching him race around to clean up. Dean ignores him and answers the door instead. "Hey, cas. Come on in." Sam seems to gather that dean was doing all of this for CAS, but he doesn't say anything to Dean about it, it would just cause an argument. He'll just wait until his brother tells him himself.

In Dean's room, Cas sits on the bed and looks over at him. This is the first time they've hung out alone, and only the second time Cas has been in his room at all. "So…how are you and Pamela ?" He asks casually. Dean frowns a little, "We uh, broke up earlier this week." He sits down beside Cas, turning on the tv for background noise. "I'm sorry" Cas murmurs. Truthfully, Dean doesn't really mind, because it's Cas. How could he even get mad at those big blue eyes, always so innocent ?

Cas and Dean end up watching some movie together, sitting on Dean's bed with a bowl of popcorn between them. They're laughing about some stupid scene in the movie and Dean isn't paying attention, so his hand ends up brushing Cas' in the bowl. Cas freezes, and Dean mutters an apology, but Cas stands up, "Um, you know, I should probably get going now." He avoids Dean's eyes as he grabs his coat. "Thanks for having me over." Dean stands up, "Cas, wait." But Cas is already hurrying out the door, closing it gently behind him. Dean stops in the living room, watching him speed-walk down the street. He goes back to his room and slams the door, flopping onto his bed. One minute they were fine, and the next minute…he always does that, and Dean pretends not to notice. But this time, it's impossible to ignore.

And now Cas is gone, with Dean is left wondering what he did wrong.

**Author's Note- I'm really trying to not make this lame, but it's not working that well ! It will get better as the plot is established more :) I hope you're all enjoying the Supernatural episode going on right now !**


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